11.25.2012

cerita kehidupan.

hidup membawa setiap kita ke jalan yang berbeda, walau kadang ada satu garis lurus yang pada akhirnya bisa menyatukan kita dalam kisah yang sama, pahit, sakit, indah dan tawa yang sama di rentang waktu yang berbeda.

setiap kita memiliki gulir cerita sendiri yang sering kali ketika kau bagi dengan seseorang, dia mungkin akan tersenyum dan memahami karena seolah mengulang kisah sendiri. Ya, mereka pernah ada di situasi yang sedang kau alami. Di saat lain, mungkin dia yang kau bagi akan berusaha memahami dan hanya bisa menjadi pendengar yang baik tapi beberapa waktu kemudian, bisa sehari, sebulan atau bahkan bertahun-tahun kemudian gulir cerita yang sama dia alami dan akhirnya memahami rasa kisahmu sebelumnya.

Hidup dan segala keajaiban di dalamnya membuat aku mengerti, setiap insan punya cerita, setiap mereka berkisah, kita punya luka, kita pernah sembunyi dalam tawa, kita pernah punya rahasia. Ada bahagia yang nyata, ada juga bahagia yang harus sembunyi, dan hanya bisa kau bagi dengan segelintir mereka. Hidup adalah kisah yang tak pernah usai.

Begitupun kisahku, bergulir seiring waktu. Ada perih, sering kali terluka dan kecewa dan Ada satu waktu bahagia, tapi itu harus tersembunyi walau sering kali terbitkan luka pada akhirnya. Pernah akhirnya bahagia itu terungkap dan ada yang tak mengerti. Namun waktu terus berjalan dan kisah berganti. Aku temukan bahagia tanpa harus sembunyi, tapi kisahku bergeser. Ku dengar kisah yang sama bergulir bukan hanya dari satu insan tapi bahkan beberapa.

Ada yang rapi menyembunyikan. Ada yang bercerita.

Hidup terus berjalan, kisah lamaku menjadi kisah baru bagi sebagian mereka dan mungkin bahagiaku saat ini menjadi cerita lalu bagi sebagian lainnya.

Hidup tidaklah sendiri. Kita tidak pernah sendiri. Hidup tidak menganugerahi kita dengan cerita sendiri karena setiap kisah akan bergeser seiring waktu. Setiap kisah akan menghampiri kita dengan cara yang berbeda. Setiap kita akan temukan bahagia yang nyata walau mungkin sebagian kita harus tertoreh luka berulang kali hingga lelah menghampiri. Tapi luka itulah yang mengajarimu untuk tetap bisa tegak berdiri dan menemukan bahagiamu.

Jangan takut luka dan perih. Jangan takut melangkah ke jalan gelap karena nanti pasti akan ada terang. Tak perlu ragu terjerembab salah karena hidup tidak ada yang sempurna, justru dari kesalahan kita belajar memperbaiki diri.

Hidup mengajari aku untuk berbagi, maka aku membagi kisahku. Aku mengungkap gulir ceritaku, mengakui kesalahanku. Bukan untuk berbangga, bukan untuk dicemooh, bukan untuk digunjingkan. Hanya agar mereka mengerti, dan untuk mereka yang kini menjalani kisahku. Untuk dipelajari agar tidak mengulang kesalahanku. Agar berani mengikuti kata hatinya, dan meyakini apa yang mereka yakini benar untuk dijalani tanpa peduli caci maki dan gunjingan mereka di sekitarmu.

Jangan tiru kisah kesalahanku tapi lihat sisi kekuatanku. Lihat perjuangan dan keyakinanku.

Setiap kisah yang ku gulirkan dalam gurat pena inilahkan bulir kisah hidupku, yang jika kamu tarik sebuah garis dalam hidupmu mungkin garis itu akan bertemu di satu titik. Kisah hidup.  

11.24.2012

another story of life part 1

once, you and me were never in one direction, we're close but never look at each other..
we sat in the same place but our mind in different space.

11.11.2012

days to two years

days passes by so quickly..

can't beleive that I'm now counting days to our second year wedding anniversary. EVeryday I pass with you is a bless that can not be replaced by anything in this universe.. still can not believe we've come this far..

four years ago..
I was strugling with all the pain I have to deal with. All the broken marriage, broken vows, broken faith with no one to share.. no one knew how I lived in emptiness. No one knew how I've been badly treated. I've come to an end.

My heart's as cold as an ice, I built a giant wall aroud me to protect me from life. I lived my robotic life. lived like a zombie in an orderly routine. I closed my heart, I lost my feeling. There were no more pain that I could feel, or joy that I could find. Just nothing.

Till there was you. Somehow the world has its own way to do its magic. And there.. it did work on us.. never met each other for almost 8 years, somehow we met.

You.. who slowly break a brick in my wall but able to brake the whole giant wall I've made, with all your kindness, tenderness and your every magic.

Since everything you do is magic, it feels like I've been given a second chance to feel alive again. I breath a new air. It's like heaven has sent me a guardian angel to help me rebuild my life again and to protect me from darkness.

Although we've met not in the right time and place and nothing went smooth, but I learn again to know what it means to miss somebody, to have feelings, and I hurt even more to know what pain is, and how it really hurts but I also know how the sun could rise in one's heart. That's when I Finally woke up from my empty shields.

Days with you were filled with tears and joy, laughter and anger, everything was mixed up. I had more color in life than I ever had. I made mistakes with you but that's the only mistake that I'll never regret. I've done things that I never had done before. I've sins, but sins that led us to these days. I'm not proud of what we've done but proud of what we can prove.

So there was us with all of the unfinished business on both sides. There are many times we tried to end this forbidden us, but the more we tried the deepest we trapped. It's like a spider web, the more you try to escape the tighter it binds you.

The bound between us was stronger and stronger everyday. Nothing's quite the same any more. we built our own world with no one there, just you and me with a little left of sanity as dee says in one of her song. Our world has been upside down but everything in our world was magic.

And one day, the phsycotic monster that's been ruined my life in the form of my ex, came and again.. ruined every peace we've had. He brought a whole bunch new anger in the form of my family :-).

No one accepted us. They said we can't be together. They said he's no good for me and we're a sinner. Days got darker and darker as the monster bring along all the troopers, but I were'nt give up. I didn't want to come back to my old bitter life, hiding in my smile and laughter, covering all the bitterness and living a lie. I wanted to have my own life and my own happiness and I know I will be happy if I'm with you. You're the one who help me up so I didn't want another break down coz I didn't think I could take it.

Every one of them, the troopers were keep trying to keep us apart so we're playing hide and seek and I were so glad you fought with me. But there're also time when you sailed away from me and I almost given up hope and would run away to the far away land, but then again.. the world shows its magic. Somehow I knew I'm your home. No matter where you were sailing in the end you're coming back home. to me.

Days passes with so much struggle. Every bitterness has become our strength to face the world. Although the days seem darker than before but we didn't stop. We're trying to convince everyone of them and ourselves that this was life we'd chosen.

Then the day came. When everyone finally accept us as us. The day I heard a new vow from you to be my guardian angel for the rest of our life. The day I thought would never come. That's when I finally live as Me. A whole me.

Now here comes the day. Days to two years. Days that fill with our laugh, tears - and snore when you're sleeping. Everything you do is magic. even when the world has its own magic, my magical moments are always when we're together. I cherish every single second that I spend with you. I enjoy every morning when I awake while you're sleeping like a baby. I praise all the time when I got so tired and you're there holding me tight, knowing that you'll always there. Loving me for everything I am.

Almost two years and every day really is a bless that can not be replaced by anything in this world - as I said before. Everyday is  a magical moment coz you make it true. You are my magic and I thank God for the magical days and night, for giving me a magical guardian angel, for giving us the chance to prove we can do better, and we've become a better person together. I'm gratefull that I Now believe that I can still love and be loved. I'm thankfull for the greatest gift of all. You.

I love you and always will. Happy two years wedding annyversary.. ( 13-11-10 to 13-11-12 )

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